Rantings of A Normal mumma

Mental health. Mental illness. It’s rough. It’s something that as soon as you think you’re on top of it rears its ugly head, to strip down everything you’ve worked so hard on.

It’s shit. I’ve suffered with it for a long time. Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, dissociation disorders. Unreasonable fears that never seem to go away.

My poor husband wears the brunt of it. I don’t know how the man stays with me. I love him to pieces, but boy has he gone through hell with me. It’s never intentional, my fears are overwhelming most of the time.

And these problems are normal, well I hope they are.

Silver spooners. We all know one right? You know, the person that it doesn’t matter what they seem to do, they always have someone hand feeding them, silver spoon in tow.

I know a few now, possibly more than I want too. They really get under my skin. I have worked my ass off to get where I am. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had help too and always appreciated it. But it’s not an expectation. It’s not my birth right to have things handed to me….

So how do these people manage it? Need a house? Have a cry and you’ll get one given to you. Need a car, yup, do the same thing and voila!! You have what you want.

And these people don’t care who they offend in this process. In fact I don’t think they care about doing the right thing either. As long as their needs are met, their happiness is sorted, they aren’t fussed on the wake of destruction they leave.

Sometimes you need to stop. Remember what you need. Not what you want. And if you can’t do that…. well I wish you luck my friend….

I can not stand some people. The ones whom, whilst lovely to your face, could not get any faker if they tried.

My sister in law is a pristine fabrication of this. Will be all lovely dovey around everyone, make it all seem sugar and spice, then with one foul whip, turns into Satan herself.

The cheek of this woman. Arrggghhh, if I could write a book on narcissists, she would be my lead study! It blows my mind that people still fall for this manipulation and especially on this magnitude!

So, when do people wise up? Or do they ever? Or does this just continue until my head explodes with rage and frustration because I can’t deal with this crazy, woe is me, show me the money, I’m better than you girl??

Maybe I’ll just sit back and wait for this to all implode. I won’t pick up pieces. Done that enough in my own life.

 

So I start this one out of pure frustration. 

If you are having a kid, then this may be a good read, or at least an honest one for you…

Yes, this shit is HARD. Like wanna cry in the corner, never leave the house, let alone get dressed, can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel hard.

But if you choose to have a tiny human, then dam it, parent the kid. Don’t fob it off. Don’t give your tiny human, that you decided to have (yes even unplanned you’ve still made the choice) to the first grandparent when you want to go out and get smashed two weeks after having bubba.

This kiddo is gonna learn from you. Yep, your actions, your emotions, your personality all rub off on this kid and if all they ever see or feel is you making them feel like they’re hard work, then shame on you.

Now, I’m not saying that parents don’t need a break, we do. To stay sane. But not every week. In fact not every two weeks. But if you’re using rent a grandparent every weekend, then time to really think about if having this tiny human was the right choice….

Do the hard yards. Stay at home, in pj’s for weekends on end. Dance in those pj’s, cook in them, don’t change them if you don’t want. Just be there. Try. Like really try.

My psychologist told me it doesn’t matter if we fail, in fact as parents we are destined to fail, all that matters is that these kids see us trying. Trying to understand their oddities, what musically is, how to work instagram, try to help with homework, try to do as much as possible.

And one day this boring as shit time in life will pay off. When you have children that are traveling the world, becoming doctors, nurses, music producers, beauty artists…. And see how hard they have tried.

Most of all, make sure your tiny humans feel loved. Safe. Confident in the fact that we all stuff up, but they have some one who has their back. Always.

 

Well, nice to see you want to join my journey…. Well kinda part way through my life anyway!

Yeah, I am a stay at home mum, doing another real life blog, which lets face it, there’s hundreds of us.

And that’s awesome. We should be writing about our lives. Truthfully though….

My journey to this point isn’t an easy one, haven’t had a lot of luck in my life, honestly the only reason I made it as far as I did was because of my two older daughter’s. Shit I’m lucky to have them!

But lets face it. When you become a mother at 16, there’s forces against you every step of the way and no matter what you do, you spend a life time of being judged. Yeah good ol’ mother at 16. Second daughter at 17.

What the hell was going on that I let that happen?

I didn’t know it could happen. That is naive right? But what 14 year old really thinks by having sex you’ll get pregnant?! And really what 18 year old would do that with a 14 year old?

My ex husband. Yep, even got married to the sucker. He literally destroyed every chance I had at being normal, having a normal youth, developing normally. I was so young, what was he thinking (or me for that point). Well 4 counselors and a psychologist later, got to the realise he was just a mad, crazy manipulator. He still tries to this day!

So, a relationship since I was 14, kids at 16, married by 20, years of subtle and not so subtle mental abuse. And when I finally pick up the balls to leave, he f#@ken attacks me. With an axe. What in the actual Hell.

Court cases, parental decisions, horrific breakdowns, more shitty relationships (funny how you get in that cycle) stalking and God knows what else later…. I am finally at a point in my life where I’m ok. Most days.

I’m now married again, with a man I didn’t even know was real (a real gentleman) and have a new baby.

These will be my tales, rants, emotional stories. This will be my safe place to finally be completely honest.